Day 5 June 20 Gümes to Santander 14.23 miles walked
 |
| Sunrise over Güemes |
Click on the photos to enlarge, pardon the spacing, I'm still learning how to make a table in html
|
|
|
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
|
Making Peace With the Pace
This is a poem about relationships
(aren't they all)
This is a poem about letting people come and go
Ebb and flow
This is a poem about the elusive quest for the Holy Grail of non-attachment
(Now doesn't that sound self-actualized and Zen)
This is a poem about making friends with myself
(You know love your neighbor as yourself, first you have to have something to give)
“Why don't you be you and I'll be me”*
So simple
But
By now we all know
Simple is a lie
“The hardest to learn was least complicated”**
I clench my fists involuntarily
Tightly clinging to my own
Perspective, expectations and entitlement
Only aware of this tendency
When my fingers fatigue
Eventually I lose my grip
The evidence all points to the contrary
I have gone the distance
I have walked alone
I have been lost and I got myself found
Yet I’m filled with bitter resentment
When you won't wait another minute
For me to tie my boots
Likely this has nothing to do with me
There are 1000 reasons
You might need a little space
This is only the deceptively innocuous
Craggy peak of ice visible above the ocean
Beneath the surface
I am frustrated with my body
Frustrated I can't keep up
Left alone I am forced to listen as lifetime of examples
Vie for attention in a disordered cue of thoughts
Demanding to make their cases
Soon you are no more then a distant spec
On the horizon
The prosecution rests
The defendant takes a plea bargain
Too overwhelmed to present the opposing arguments
The sentence self denial
The sentence double down
The sentence is a threat loosely veiled
Get it together!! Buck up!!
Or else…
In retrospect it is oh so clear
But in the moment
The routine so familiar
So second nature
Ignore Deny and when all else fails Ingratiate
Self-denial creates mental politics
My needs on the loosing ticket
They don’t even bother to campaign
Conventional wisdom claims
Awareness is the first step
New friends come
Heaven sent Camino Angels they’re called
They help me adjust my pack
“Try walking without the poles”
The coastline magnificent
The conversation enthralling
I can't imagine how I was ever so upset
The pendulum swinging back
Bitterness to blessed
There is a food truck
Parked in the lot just before the beach
You are there just wrapping up
Both of you
And now we are five
The more the merrier don’t you think
I’ve caught up now
An Aquarius (like gatorade) to go will do
No need to change my shoes
i’m happy to join in
majority opinion is just great
sure
accommodate
fun friendly flexible
easy breezy thats me
these are the ways we hot-wire connection***
these are the ways to avoid the prosecutor in the silence
these are the ways to get your needs met
Within 15 minutes it is clear to see
Group continuity is a priority for no-one else but me
“See you at the ferry” you two wave
As you shift into high gear
I continue stuck in first
Boots still on
Tires spinning in the sand
New friends stay
They don’t seem bothered
Yet I keep apologizing
The sun relentless
Déjà vu from yesterday's heat-induced meltdown
But I thought I'd come so far
It seems some lessons
Take longer to generalize
In the shade of two large boulders
The floodgates open
Crying sobbing shaking
Sand is everywhere
This was about something bigger
Anger tinged grief for every time
I perceive my body let me down
She never danced or did gymnastics
PE was catastrophic the freckle the buck teeth the acne
The hormones the weight gain the infertility
(The irony of berating the very feet that had just walk two
Marathons in the span of the past few days
Absolutely inconsequential)
“Just let it go”
“You need to eat”
I bite into an apple
“I’m hardly hungry”
“You need to drink”
There is only the last warm dregs of my soda
“Take mine”
“I should have stopped”
“I should have eaten”
“I’m sorry” again and again
(Please tell me I haven’t ruined your day)
It seems so simple
To keep a body hydrated and fed
But I’ve been angry
and hence neglectful
“We would have waited”, she said
“I understand, my first Camino I cried too
Just about everyday”.
“Come on let it go just let it be why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”
I have to like me before I can be me
I have to know me before I can be me
Every one has to walk there own camino
I can’t be you and you can’t be me
We stand
I brush it all off like the sand
Just like that
“speak the word only”
I am lighter
I am grateful
I am reconciled
“and my soul shall be healed”
New friends have reservations
before we think to exchange information
they are headed for their hotel
Old friends want to take a rest day
I agree
A day to processes
Is exactly what I need
Leaving the ferry a woman meets us
Offering bunks for three
Without a laundry fee
We can’t believe our luck
No searching needed
(She didn’t mention its a four floor walk up and
her idiosyncratic rules such as keeping boots
precariously perched on the outside windowsill)
It is Sunday, while they go explore
I want to find a mass
In an ancient church
Shadowed by the great cathedral
Cool and dark and silent
Unintelligible prayers wash over
Cleansing restoring seeping into every pore
My phone is dead
Our plan was loose
It is later than I intended
With curiosity I wonder how it will
come together
How will I meet my friends
I am not searching
I release all expectation
Certain one way or another
I will
Feed myself
And in a moment they appear two now tuned to three
Single file
Crossing the cathedral steps
Bearing olives salami
bread and wine
At the beach-side park
we spread our late-night feast
An impromptu party
Simple
Satisfying
Now
 |
| Ready for a picnic dinner with Fabian Mari-lyn and Isabel |
(click links to listen)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete